DIVORCE
The topic of Divorce is not often talked about. I’m not claiming to be the smartest person when it comes to this issue but I did want to address the topic of the forest and try and do so from a biblical perspective. The main focus is on Malachi 2:15-16.
Let me preface this by saying if you have had a divorce, I’m not looking down on you. Those who have experienced a divorce are going through so many different emotions and a lot have to do with insecurities, value, and worth. I feel the church needs to do a better job at coming alongside the divorced and welcoming them into the fold.
What I want to address today is the idea that God said in Malachi 2:16 NASB “I hate divorce!” Just like Christians don’t take seriously in the world today about “not marrying unbelievers”, today I believe Christians don’t take seriously the issue of “not getting a divorce.”
I find two passages in the Bible that give justifiable reasons for divorce, as I understand it.
1. Sexual immorality: Matthew 5:32; 19:9.
2. Abandonment by an unbeliever: 1 Corinthians 7:12-15.
When dating, we lovingly fight for a relationship that we want to spend the rest of our lives with. But we don’t lovingly fight to save a broken marriage. Yes, there are those exceptions God gives for divorce, but here’s the problem: 50% of Christian marriages are ending in divorce. I can’t imagine that all of them are because of sexual immorality or abandonment. So there’s something definitely wrong with our thinking and not with God.
Here are my thoughts:
1. Divorce is not an option for my spouse and I. We established that thought. And that thought process works when both feel that way, and both should be willing to die to self when reconciling a broken marriage. I’ve had to swallow my pride more than once to reconcile Brokenness in our marriage. We have communicated through more than one difficult time. Such success works well when both spouses feel the same way and both are willing to die to self. When it’s just one spouse that wants to work on a marriage, and one spouse willing to die to self, it’s hard to find reconciliation. This is where I feel Christians are failing today. They don’t want to change. They want to be right.
2. Let me also say this, my spouse needs to feel valued and loved. She has to. It’s something we all desire. We all want to feel valued and loved, and respected. When there’s a breakdown in this area, the spouse not feeling loved will quickly begin to look for fulfillment in other areas. This is when things can result in infidelity or adultery.
Now I said there are two passages in the Bible that are justifiable reasons for divorce. Here’s the problem, we also have a lot of scripture to talk about forgiveness and restoration. So rather than asking, “Is this grounds for divorce?” Perhaps we should be asking, “Is this grounds for forgiveness, restoration, counseling?” If both parties are willing to lovingly fight to save the marriage, then I feel it should happen.
3. Adultery isn’t something that just occurred out of nowhere. Very often, there’s a breakdown in the marriage before the adultery occurs. The person who committed the adultery must confess and repent of their sin. But the person who is innocent, meaning they didn’t commit adultery, doesn’t mean they didn’t play a part in the breakdown in the marriage. The innocent spouse will often say, “I’m not the one who committed adultery so I don’t need to work on anything.” If you’re going to work towards reconciliation, you have to work on the issues that occurred both before and during the adultery. The issues that occurred before the adultery has to be a part of the counseling and restoration process. The spouse who committed adultery could confess his or her sin, get back together with their spouse, but if the issues that influenced the divorce never gets dealt with, then how can you have true restoration?
For example, if I talk to my wife in a manner that makes her feel insignificant, devalued, and not loved then the door is open for her to seek love and acceptance elsewhere. If she commits adultery and we both decide to work on reconciliation, then I have to address the behaviors I exhibit that make her feel devalued and unloved. I have to. It’s very arrogant of me to think it’s just her problem. Yes, she will need to address her issues, both of us will.
4. What if a spouse is in an abusive relationship? Is that grounds for divorce? It’s definitely grounds for separation. No one should be in an abusive relationship. No one! If you’re in it, get out now! But is it grounds for divorce? I don’t know because the Bible doesn’t address that issue. My emotions say yes, but I have also learned that if I act on my emotions, then I’m going to be sinning a lot.
A lady I graduated from high school with, was in an abusive marriage. She left him. She never divorced him because her conviction could not find grounds for divorce in this area. That was her conviction.
My heart says, separate and always be open and ready to work on the marriage, if the abuser is willing to pursue it. What sometimes happens, is the abuser breaks away from the marriage by pursuing another relationship in adultery. Or they abandon the relationship by pursuing divorce. If he/she is an unbeliever then I see both instances as an Open door for giving you freedom to move on with your life in a new relationship.
I’m sure there’s a lot of controversial thoughts, and perhaps criticism towards my words.
My thoughts are all based on the grounds of love for the other person. My motive is to be obedient to the scriptures. That often times is offensive. Hopefully my thoughts will challenge you to know why you believe what you believe, and does it go hand in hand with the scriptures.
Again, these are just my thoughts.
Lots of love to those who read this and are struggling.
